Omotola’s marriage is worthy of emulation because not only is her relationship stable despite any role she takes in her acting career, her marriage remains solid even when she stared in a movie “The Prostitute”. People taught her pilot husband will disown her but she said they discussed before she took that role and it was only a role. It’s like she has a magic she turns off and on when she is on camera and off camera.
So looking at all the interviews Omotola granted spanning 7 years now. She have been dropping tidbits of the secrets to her 26 years successful marriage and counting.
Hence, we curated tidbits of her 7 years long advices and we hope you learn one or two lessons that will grant you a long lasting relationship.
Note: We redesigned the layout of our article to suit the premise of this article. So each keys came with with links to the interviews, her advice, and how to apply each advice.
Omotola interviews on Marriage from Pulse Nigeria 7 years ago
Link: https://youtu.be/nQLpUmLbi-w?si=IBj5RXBtfuvLLGtP
Importance of choosing the right partner
What she said:
” I don’t think that people in bad relationships are necessarily bad people and I can’t pinpoint what went wrong but pray to God you meet the right person because joining with the wrong partner can bring out the demon in you and trust me everybody has their own demons,”
How to apply:
This shows that we should be attentive and attuned to our emotions during dating. We should ask ourselves since we started dating this person has our life become better in all rounds. Check: Health, emotions, social, career, etc.
The problem is we make our judgment based on one aspect like money, beauty, attraction, whereas other such as compatibility, respect, honor, and love suffer. Also, you need to scale your needs.
For instance, this person has money, but if I stay with him or her, will I commit the unthinkable. Is trigger button constantly being pressed. Then ask yourself if life, happiness , peace and health is more important than prestige, wealth, status. Afterwards, make your decisions.
Maintaining Individuality in marriage
What she said:
“I gave my life to God before I met my husband and my husband has given his life to Christ before we meet. So, we understood that we can exist without each other, but choose to stay together. I know who I am and he knows who he is. Hence, we respect each other’s space and minds. Our coming together is to compliment each other”
How to apply:
This means marriage is not a do-or-die affair, and individuality is important in marriage. So, do things ( dreams, hobbies, goals, hang out, savings) together as a couple, but still do your own things ( personal goals, dreams, hang out with friends, hobbies, savings) too.
That way, you can exist outside your marriage and not feel held bound by it or isolated from your friends and family. This way, the individuality that attracted you to your partners will remain. Remember the saying that the opposite attracts.
Hence, there is an attribute we and our partners loved in each other and we should maintain that by giving yourself time to grow in that individuality even as we remain remarried.
The Danger of social media is marriage
What she said:
“Be modest don’t put everything out there. Know what you share and what you don’t share. Because social media is addictive and is both good and bad. If you develop the habit of putting everything out there, you will end up living your life for the Internet and not for yourself.”
How to apply:
This means we need to curtail sharing too much information on the internet. Learn to curb whatever you post. Taking her as an example Omotola wasn’t putting her family on our faces when she was actively acting and most people don’t even know what her husband or children look like except you deliberately seek such information then you may see photos that were taken at an event but she will never go online to post “my husband bought me a car, I am pregnant for my husband, my husband took me to Dubai.”
According to her, when we post those good ones and form the habit of posting everything, we are exposing our family to more social media scrutiny and we will also end up posting things in a heat of anger that may hurt our marriage and family. This one may sound like it’s for celebrities, but I think everyone is now a mini-celebrity, so guys let’s be mindful of what we post.
Interview from the peak story 5 years ago
Interview link: https://youtu.be/3QPL-h7t_2g?si=lC4yGWs0tadawvSX
Prioritizing and time management in Relationship
What she said:
“I use scale of preference in economics to rank what I want to do like this is for career, family, networking, Friends. You know we give time to what we value as important.”
How to apply :
On a scale of 1 to 10, rank the importance of family, hanging out with friends, networking and career everyday and prioritizing the most important. Also learn to compromise when necessary and make up for it another day.
Personal development for both couples
What she said:
“ I also advocate that every woman should work irrespective of the fact that we are Africans”
How to apply:
Work in this sense could be starting a side hustle or learning a soft skill like how to edit photos, how to make and edit videos, printing press business, just ask Chat GPT what you can do with your level of education and you will be amazed at the information it will give you.
Interview from Broadway TV 7 years ago
Links:
The whole video: https://youtu.be/UL7t2msKOX0?si=6Xdv7Z0-o6Ev5i1f
Need for a supportive partner who understands us
What she said:
“My husband should be given more accolades for keeping our marriage together because as a man he has more pressure on him and had to weather the offshoot of my acting career. He is very mature and has managed himself and me very well.”
How to apply:
This shows that the success of a marriage is both ways. Husband and wife should be accountable, not just one partner.
Perculiarity of different marriages
What she said:
“People are different and each marriage is peculiar and how we manage that peculiarity makes it work.”
How to apply:
Do not look for a one size fits all and believe that what works for your parents, siblings or friends will work for you. Do more work on understanding how different your partner is from you and make plans to manage each other’s excesses.
Overcoming Trauma in Relationship
1) What she said:
” When you said cheating spouse, do you mean once or repeatedly, if once definitely if they are remorseful we should forgive but repeated cheating is something else and that person needs help, so ask yourself if your emotions, life, and health can handle the heat.”
How to apply:
Here she is advising that when dealing with a spouse who repeatedly cheats, we should prioritize our own health, state of mind, and well-being before every other thing.
2) What she said:
“You don’t know people’s relationship, so you can’t judge and make decisions based on another person’s marriage. Look inward and evaluate your life using what matters most to you. “
How to apply:
At the end of any conflict resolution. It’s a decision between you, God, and your partner. Not between you, social media, or any other person.
3) What she said:
“The culture of silence that we have in Africa makes some people wait until the marriage has cursed so much damage and the brokenness may not be mended.” When I was getting married I was told, Nne don’t discuss your marriage with anybody. True, but when marriages need help, couples should seek help.”
How to apply:
Here she is advising couples to go for marriage counseling and speak with a family member who is more logical than emotional and will deal with the situation better than to come and make it worse or keep fighting even after the spouse has reconciled. Or even speak with your pastor or another couple that seems to have what you want in your marriage Have at least one person, not so many people. Marriage therapy is also adviced or Maybe a spiritual person who will give you sound knowledge on how to handle difficult situations.
What she said:
“Forgiving a cheating husband doesn’t mean I am okay with what he did or that I will stay with him.”
How to apply:
This means that we need to understand the difference between forgiveness and choosing to stay in that marriage or relationship. We can forgive, but we must not remain in a relationship that costs us our peace, health, and even life.
Interview from with Chude 1 years ago
Link: https://youtu.be/BWli307G1lg?si=zxx_0LM0ckeww-0z
Overcoming childhood trauma
What to learn:
The trauma we go through as a child could affect all aspects of our lives. We need some healing to prevent that trauma from affecting our marriages.
What she said:
I was an only child for a long time but was shipped off to boarding school in Kaduna. At age 12 I lost my father and I felt angry that I didn’t spend much time with him and was sent off at 9 years after the birth of my brothers. This make me who I am today. Both the good and the bad. I became emotionless maybe because I was too young to process my emotions back then.”
What to learn:
Here we could agree that the healing process started for her when she gave her life to God and she was able to share her beautiful life with her husband. Emotional unavailability can be sensed by our partners and that leads to broken relationships and even cheating.
What she said:
“After my father died, I was so desperate to provide for my younger brothers that I was willing to sell my body than for them to be separated. Then I started working at 15 and acting at 16 and I was paying my younger ones school fees at 15.”
How to apply:
No matter our age or background, or education, we should learn a skill that could be our saving grace, and also when we have kids, we should prepare them for the future by teaching them one or two skills.
In conclusion, she advised we pray for our future partner because who we join hands with is key in determining the success of our marriages, so we should choose wisely based on important attributes such as the ability to show understanding, anger management, emotional availability, and emotional maturity. Not physical attributes such as wealth, social status, and many others.
In addition both partners should be resourceful to prevent economic shock that could arise because of unplanned situations. Also, open communication is very vital and repeated hurt is a sign of instability that a partner may need help. finally when in crisis ask for help from professional and experienced people, not random people on social media.
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